The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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