My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
