last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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