Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
