ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
