If i come over, it means nothing
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im holly from the hills drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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