saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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