He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
