Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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