so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
