East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
