This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
