Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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