my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
