Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
