Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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