At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
