I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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