I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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