I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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