I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
