Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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