oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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