Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
