Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
