my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
