i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
