Cold hands, warm shart.
She said her name was "party"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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