go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
