there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
