Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
