So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
