I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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