I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
