i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
