Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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