I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize