your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
