Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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