we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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