he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
