so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
