he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
