you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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