I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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