Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
