Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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