i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
