Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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