That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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