I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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