I just saw a hot homeless man
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
