i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
