My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
