you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
