Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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