you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
