How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
