Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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