I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh god it's open bar.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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