Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
