so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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