girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
