the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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