she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said âEat Freshâ while his GF was with him. FML
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