I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
pray to the hookup gods
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
