May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
