i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
