Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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