He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
