i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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