OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
