i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
